Do You Know What It's Like? -

How do you feel when you hear the words “I like you”?

Does it get you flashing an instant smile? Do you get the thrills?

I’m sure these words make the heart smile among other truths.

Regardless of who said it, you are flattered. And it motivates you to keep that impression there.

When your boyfriend tells you this, does it give you the chills as if your all time crush was saying it?

When your ex- tells you this, does it give you the chills as if your boyfriend was saying it?

Think. 

How do you feel when you hear the words “I care for you”?

And you hear those words from somebody else.

I’m sure it’s easy to believe how comforting those words are.

But does it make you feel awkward to hear it from another voice?

Or do you like the idea of having so many flings care for you?

When a suitor tells you this, how far do you go to entertain?

Think.

How do you feel when you hear the words “I love you”?

Now these words are deep and packed with meaning.

When your boyfriend tells you this, does it give you the thrills and your heart goes melting?

When a crush tells you this, does it give you the same feeling?

If someone wants or tries to kiss you, would you let him do it?

Regardless if you like the person or not, if you want to kiss, would you kiss someone else?

I’m sure you won’t even need to think.

What happens in a bar where you and your friends hang out with some acquaintances and everybody expects you to flirt around and play around like you would if you were single?

What happens if you spent some time alone with a good friend who apparently admits that he likes you and expresses he wants to be together with you?

Let me tell you a story I will never forget.

John, from the first sight was no doubt a good-looking guy. He was a nice guy and he gets along with everybody else, even with Nikko who seems to be the hyperactive easy-go-lucky type. I was introduced to them days before we went to this bar with all the others. I know my friends and what they can do; likewise they know me and how far I go to break my limitations. The only difference was that time I was already in a relationship. I had a boyfriend, and he was there just a few hours ago.

I was tipsy but I was also called “boring” for not giving Nikko a lap dance. It was a joke and I wouldn’t have cared even if it was not. I gave my girls little smacks as it was an easier dare for the girls. My friends were drunk, but they could do that 24/7 nonstop (to exaggerate). It was John’s turn to spin the bottle, and he was dared to kiss my friend. He was all smiles while everyone expects him to do the challenge. My friend was excited, I could tell; and everybody else pushed them closer to each other.

“Wait. I’m not supposed to do it for real, right?” John asked.

Everybody started booing him and at first I just thought maybe he didn’t like my friend at all. They shouted “do it!” and looking at him I knew right there he was a little bit pressured between having fun and his commitment.

“But… I have a girlfriend...” John said, still smiling.

I was right. And I couldn’t help admiring him for the courage to say that in front of the group. It was weird that I felt so happy for his girlfriend back home, even if I didn’t know her. For a man like John, she has nothing to worry. I felt for him, somehow, and truly if you have that firm understanding of your commitment, nobody can come to break that. ‘Cause it would have been broken if John let it. It’s simple as that. And by this simple act you can tell what kind of a man he is.

Know your limitations. This isn’t something you ought to discuss with your partner. It’s something innate.

TORN - October 24, 2011

So I was saying… Why don’t I take that big risky leap and move away from here? Start doing something else and add more people in my circle whom later on I can maybe call friends…

Okay. Now is that moment when I’m really urging for a new environment! Now is that moment when I’m about to spread my wings to get ready to fly.

Suddenly, my enthusiasm shrinks.

I ought to finish my Master’s Degree. Yep that’s two more years. And apparently the only thing that holds me back from moving.

Is this supposed to be good or bad?

I try to look at the brighter side of it, but, two years… I could be doing more; I could be looking at a bigger ball of opportunities.

Well, now is that moment when I’m left torn between two important achievements in my life; now is that moment that I kind of have to settle down priorities, ask myself what I really want.

If I stand on a cliff and look far and beyond, I see two things: independence and greater future keys. Independence is the change I want to have; the freedom to finally do what I want to be doing. But it’s like the more I run for it the more it is pulled away from me. If I stay and do the same routine in the same old alley I battle with insanity. Getting this degree is a gem I can’t put to waste for one day it can land me to the so-called success. But at the back of my mind I’m asking myself why…

Why must I run after success?

What’s pushing me to that road right there?

I just want to do what I dream of doing and be in places I dream of going, and to me, that’s already an accomplishment.

Do I really want to be a manager, a boss, or climb the corporate ladder?

People advise me not to hurry. But I’m 25 after today. I want to try something else. I want to grow and gain more experiences.

And if I stay, that is unlikely to happen. If I look at it that way then I don’t want to stay.


Every day when I wake I see the same old setting. And somehow, it makes me sick.

Enjoying my studies can be something new, the challenges can hone me, and learning itself is growth; now if I see it this way, I can maybe take two more years and extend my patience before I break free.

Sometimes I just wonder why it has to be this tough to be in the middle…