TORN - October 24, 2011

So I was saying… Why don’t I take that big risky leap and move away from here? Start doing something else and add more people in my circle whom later on I can maybe call friends…

Okay. Now is that moment when I’m really urging for a new environment! Now is that moment when I’m about to spread my wings to get ready to fly.

Suddenly, my enthusiasm shrinks.

I ought to finish my Master’s Degree. Yep that’s two more years. And apparently the only thing that holds me back from moving.

Is this supposed to be good or bad?

I try to look at the brighter side of it, but, two years… I could be doing more; I could be looking at a bigger ball of opportunities.

Well, now is that moment when I’m left torn between two important achievements in my life; now is that moment that I kind of have to settle down priorities, ask myself what I really want.

If I stand on a cliff and look far and beyond, I see two things: independence and greater future keys. Independence is the change I want to have; the freedom to finally do what I want to be doing. But it’s like the more I run for it the more it is pulled away from me. If I stay and do the same routine in the same old alley I battle with insanity. Getting this degree is a gem I can’t put to waste for one day it can land me to the so-called success. But at the back of my mind I’m asking myself why…

Why must I run after success?

What’s pushing me to that road right there?

I just want to do what I dream of doing and be in places I dream of going, and to me, that’s already an accomplishment.

Do I really want to be a manager, a boss, or climb the corporate ladder?

People advise me not to hurry. But I’m 25 after today. I want to try something else. I want to grow and gain more experiences.

And if I stay, that is unlikely to happen. If I look at it that way then I don’t want to stay.


Every day when I wake I see the same old setting. And somehow, it makes me sick.

Enjoying my studies can be something new, the challenges can hone me, and learning itself is growth; now if I see it this way, I can maybe take two more years and extend my patience before I break free.

Sometimes I just wonder why it has to be this tough to be in the middle…