12 Foot Deep

I was glad I wasn’t able to write kept thoughts.

The truth is…I didn’t want to think. I am glad I am not forced by myself to think.

It’s like what I feel doesn’t have to matter anymore.

I just found relief in cutting the huge pieces of issues to tiny little ones I can manage to swallow.

I am a girl after all. I can endure emotional stress.

The truth is…I don’t want to be stressed. So I am glad I have found a resting place.

Somewhere I can lie down and ignore the world.

This isn’t heaven at all, it’s still pretty messed up.

But it heals me as if I travelled with time.

The truth is…I’m getting by, even if I feel my heart dragged down the gravel sometimes.

It’s like I have deprived myself of the right to be hurt.

And I can’t be naïve, so I made my way to this place, a place I can manage to be in between.

I don’t let rage overtake and I don’t come clean.

The truth is…I have been changed. I know I am not perfect and I can’t gripe.

Amid the flaws and failures I stand like an ant.

But what can I say. My scream is the silence and I find home in beautiful dreams.

There is nothing I can do because time goes on even if I stop.

The truth is…I’m running after it to catch up, almost all the time.

It’s like I have stopped living and by then I must stop feeling.

Then again, I’m just glad I can walk through thick and thorns now.

little me against the World..

So here you are again writing me when your battery is low.

Everything not working the way you want it?

Before your system begins to shut down, breathe…

Remember, this is how it is. So take it easy and take a deep breath.

Anger makes you wanna cry? Frustrated? Disappointed?

Leave that picture for a second. Let’s go somewhere else.

It’s not gonna work if you force yourself to think of something effin happy, you simply need to absorb the negative so it’s easier to compose yourself while it’s there.

But leave the idea that you’re angry, frustrated, or fucked up. Let’s focus on the problem at hand – and that is that your expectations weren’t met.

Hmm…this is quite easy. Let’s get you charged.

There are two sides of every story. So when you’re facing the shitty side, turn around.

Remember that all problems have various selections of solutions. You just gotta choose the right pick. And sometimes if it doesn’t work the first try, you gotta make a second pick.

This is how it is. And for you, old happy thoughts are highly unlikely to work. Perhaps a dreamer isn’t always a dreamer. Sometimes we have to be realistic.

Do you feel a little better now?

This is one small scratch now honey, so get going.

They probably just won’t go as you planned, but they’re gonna go through and that’s what’s important.

You’ll be fine.