I was glad I wasn’t able to write kept thoughts.
The truth is…I didn’t want to think. I am glad I am not forced by myself to think.
It’s like what I feel doesn’t have to matter anymore.
I just found relief in cutting the huge pieces of issues to tiny little ones I can manage to swallow.
I am a girl after all. I can endure emotional stress.
The truth is…I don’t want to be stressed. So I am glad I have found a resting place.
Somewhere I can lie down and ignore the world.
This isn’t heaven at all, it’s still pretty messed up.
But it heals me as if I travelled with time.
The truth is…I’m getting by, even if I feel my heart dragged down the gravel sometimes.
It’s like I have deprived myself of the right to be hurt.
And I can’t be naïve, so I made my way to this place, a place I can manage to be in between.
I don’t let rage overtake and I don’t come clean.
The truth is…I have been changed. I know I am not perfect and I can’t gripe.
Amid the flaws and failures I stand like an ant.
But what can I say. My scream is the silence and I find home in beautiful dreams.
There is nothing I can do because time goes on even if I stop.
The truth is…I’m running after it to catch up, almost all the time.
It’s like I have stopped living and by then I must stop feeling.
Then again, I’m just glad I can walk through thick and thorns now.
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