In
the last six months I have experienced so many different things in this walk of
life; some new realizations, diverse sentiments and massive changes. Perhaps I
can say I am presently standing at the biggest turning point of my life; whether
it concerns my career or my personal life. I have probably never had anything
big on my shoulders as this that every time I think about it my brain seems to
stop running and I just turn blank. I wish the answers were as easy as 19 years
ago when I only had to problem a broken shoe heel.
I have always been very
careful with every decision I had to make. Things may not go my way all the time
but I was mostly, if not always, blessed with pretty little consolations. Well
now it’s different. Big things need more caution. And as we age so are our
problems. It’s like you get tougher challenges as you make it through the
previous level. Whatever choice you make, you deal with the accompanying
consequence.
Right now it’s in or out,
it’s up or down, stop or go and left or right. I can only choose one and I ought
to be really careful and considerate. I find myself faced with a difficult
challenge that I need to overcome fast. The clock ticks as if I’m about to be
executed. It’s like I have to choose “A” because I need to and I want to choose
“B” because it’s where I want to be. The stress when you’re torn between what
you want and what you need. But what you need doesn’t always mean it’s the right
choice. And there must be another way to have both. I just don’t know exactly
how right now.
Maybe I do. I’m just
scared to take the risk. I have been accustomed to my comfort zone that it’s
hard to walk away from it and seek the independence I never had. It seems that
I’ve been walking around the same park for a long time now and I haven’t even
managed to get my feet moving forward. This position, it
could change my life in a nick of time. It could give me the
change I’ve been longing for. This circumstance could either bring me up or pull
me down. And I have got to be prepared for both.
I can set my mind to
however I want to, or at least try. But I can’t run away from the
inevitable. I won’t have to try to escape like it’s the last thing I can do. I
just have to do what my heart tells me to and know that
whether it’s wrong or right it’s going to make me happy.
For now, I’d like to say that’s important. But the irony of life I know
will never leave me without a price. I guess nothing really comes
free. I will have to be strong for myself. The courage
to face the pain will be my strength to resist it.
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