Thursday, December 08, 2011

68

I try so hard to force myself not to believe you.

I just don’t want to give up thinking there’s a better way than this, a better point than this. I still try to refuse to accept that you may be right. And I guess you’re right. No matter how hard I swerve to run away from fate, it leads me back to the same space, the same phase, the same truth. And I don’t know if there’ll ever be anywhere else for me to go than to you.

And I don’t want to hate you. For reminding me every day that I have lost, I am mad.

I appreciate the concern but you see it wouldn’t change anything. Even if I actually believe you, still, there is no easy way. What difference will it make? I am still to walk through the storm, I am still to conquer the demons. So I guess to finish what I started is best and I might as well gamble. You see, no matter what I choose, I am bound to face one end.

It’s hard to face the truth. I’ve never been bitten by reality so bad like this. And I’ve never been so confused and so torn than I am right now.

I know and am aware of the consequences. And honestly, none of it will be easy; all of it is going to hurt. And I am stuck in the middle, can’t move, because I’m scared to make one stupid mistake. I couldn't agree more with most of your inputs, you've made it clear and expressed your points understandably. And as expected, I connected the dots in all your metaphors.

But you know if there's one thing I've learned in the last couple of years of my life... the best things in life aren't actually for free. You've gotta work hard for it. And sometimes you're going to make the wrong decisions before you learn the right ones.

You see sometimes hiding and escaping are the easy ways out. But unless you get to where you long to be at, you suffer the confusion. And if you won't learn the art of acceptance, you will never be able to move on. There will never be any change at all. This is what I am learning about. Try to read between the lines.

Thank you for being there. You know I never thought it can make me smile to just think that I can depend on you. And right now, that's just perfectly what I need... someone. :)

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